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By Mike Ivcic, UltimateCapper Contributing Writer
Every so often, I get into a “mood” that causes me to feel a certain way towards every sporting event, regardless of sport or level of importance. So, consider this your “snarky” week three preview – just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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Arizona Cardinals @ New Orleans Saints
Sun, 1pm, FOX
Line: Saints by 7
New Orleans barely did enough to beat Tampa last week, a team widely regarded as a contender for the top overall pick in the 2014 draft because of their total dysfunctional team dynamic. If they’d like to remain as my trendy pick to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, I expect a much better performance than THAT.
Pick: New Orleans 38, Arizona 17
Cleveland Browns @ Minnesota Vikings
Sun, 1pm, CBS
Line: Vikings by 5.5
My Browns fan friend (I only have one, they’re quite hard to find) and I came up with the newest slogan for the Cleveland Indians – “At least we’ve never made the front page of espn.com for losing our best player!” I really should be a marketing director for a professional sports team. Sure, I’d probably be unemployed rather quickly, but the fans would love me!
Pick: Minnesota 23, Cleveland 9
Detroit Lions @ Washington Redskins
Sun, 1pm, FOX
Line: Redskins by 2
Redskins by 2 – as in, the number of halves the team has shown up. Redskins by 2 – as in, the position on the depth chart of the guy who should be playing QB. Redskins by 2 – as in, the number of wins the Lions will have after this week.
Pick: Detroit 38, Washington 31
Green Bay Packers @ Cincinnati Bengals
Sun, 1pm, FOX
Houston Texans @ Baltimore Ravens
Sun, 1pm, CBS
Line: Texans by 2.5
I wrote the preview for this game last, and I’ve officially lost my sarcasm and snark, thanks to such a boring game – kind of like how Tennessee has officially lost credibility and more postseason eligibility, thanks to Arian Foster being a block head.
Nope, nevermind. Still got it!
Pick: Houston 28, Baltimore 20
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New York Giants @ Carolina Panthers
Sun, 1pm, FOX
St. Louis Rams @ Dallas Cowboys
Sun, 1pm, FOX
Line: Cowboys by 4
I wrote a couple of drafts of this pick where I talked myself into the Cowboys, but the only image I had in my head was a 27-24 Dallas lead, Cowboys ball at the 2-minute warning, and Tony Romo kneeling down and grinning like an idiot the entire time. I just can’t do it.
Pick: Dallas 27, St. Louis 24
San Diego Chargers @ Tennessee Titans
Sun, 1pm, CBS
Line: Titans by 3
Well now this is a rather tough choice. Do I pick the Chargers, the 1-1 team I underrated in the preseason, or the Titans, the 1-1 team I underrated in the preseason? Do I take the always-ineffective-and-turnover-prone-under-pressure Phillip Rivers, or the always-ineffective-and-turnover-prone-under-pressure Jake Locker?
Are you sure I can’t pick a push? Please?
Pick: Tennessee 20, San Diego 16
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ New England Patriots
Sun, 1pm, FOX
Atlanta Falcons @ Miami Dolphins
Sun, 4:05pm, FOX
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Buffalo Bills @ New York Jets
Sun, 4:25pm, CBS
Line: Jets by 2.5
I’ve picked against the Jets twice, and I’ve been burned twice. Conversely, I’ve also picked the Bills twice and been correct twice. This is what we call a conundrum – so when in doubt, take the points.
Wait… that means I’m taking Geno Smith over E.J. Manuel…
Nevermind.
Pick: Buffalo 24, New York 20
Indianapolis Colts @ San Francisco 49’ers
Sun, 4:25pm, CBS
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Seattle Seahawks
Sun, 4:25pm, CBS
Line: Seahawks by 19
Yes. 19. And I’m taking it.
Pick: Seattle 35, Jacksonville 6
Chicago Bears @ Pittsburgh Steelers
Sun, 8:30pm, NBC
Line: Bears by 2.5
I would love to know the last time the Steelers were a home underdog in primetime. I’m pretty sure that’s why Google was created, but I’m too apathetic to use it. Chalk it up to the fact that I really don’t like either team. And not in a talent-way, either – I just don’t know that I’ve found two more obnoxious fan bases than Bears and Steelers fans. And yes, Eagles fans – that includes you, so that should really tell you something. It has no bearing on my pick, though. So in essence, I’m becoming just like everyone on ESPN Countdown – I say a whole lot and when I’m done, you learned absolutely nothing. Check another accomplishment off the bucket list.
Pick: Chicago 31, Pittsburgh 21
Oakland Raiders @ Denver Broncos
Mon, 8:30pm, ESPN
Line: Broncos by 15
Yes. 15. And I’m taking it.
Pick: Denver 44, Oakland 17
Straight-Up: 22-11
Against Spread: 16-16-1
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