BillyBarooooooo
02-10-2005, 02:46 AM
Idiots of the Year
>Number One Idiot of 2004
>I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
>poison control center. Today, a woman called in very upset because she
>caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
>ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
>the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened
>to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
>kill the ants. I told her that she'd better bring her daughter into the
>emergency room right away.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Number Two Idiot of 2004
>Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
>life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
>the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
>they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
>It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
>beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
>employed at Boeing.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Number Three Idiot of 2004
>A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
>America, walked into the branch and wrote "t his iz a stikkup.
>Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his
>note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the
>note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he
>left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After
>waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
>teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't
>the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
>stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and
>that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back
>to Bank of America.
>Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a
>few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Number Four Idiot of 2004
>A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
>the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
>robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
>shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
>refused and said, because I don't believe you are over
>21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
>because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's
>license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
>The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he
>put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his
>loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address
>of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
>hours later.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Idiot Number Five of 2004
>A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
>revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
>the startled first bandit shot him.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Idiot Number Six of 2004
>Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
>throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
>run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
>window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief on the
>head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made
>of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
>Oh, that smarts.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Idiot Number Seven of 2004
>The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
>King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and demanded
>cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
>register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
>said they weren't available on the breakfast menu. The man, frustrated,
>walked away.
>Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote (and breed).
>************************************************** *********************
>Number One Idiot of 2004
>I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
>poison control center. Today, a woman called in very upset because she
>caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
>ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
>the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened
>to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
>kill the ants. I told her that she'd better bring her daughter into the
>emergency room right away.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Number Two Idiot of 2004
>Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
>life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
>the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
>they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
>It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
>beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
>employed at Boeing.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Number Three Idiot of 2004
>A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
>America, walked into the branch and wrote "t his iz a stikkup.
>Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his
>note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the
>note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he
>left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After
>waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
>teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't
>the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
>stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and
>that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back
>to Bank of America.
>Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a
>few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Number Four Idiot of 2004
>A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
>the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
>robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
>shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
>refused and said, because I don't believe you are over
>21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
>because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's
>license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
>The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he
>put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his
>loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address
>of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
>hours later.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Idiot Number Five of 2004
>A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
>revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
>the startled first bandit shot him.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Idiot Number Six of 2004
>Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
>throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
>run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
>window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief on the
>head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made
>of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
>Oh, that smarts.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Idiot Number Seven of 2004
>The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
>King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and demanded
>cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
>register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
>said they weren't available on the breakfast menu. The man, frustrated,
>walked away.
>Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote (and breed).
>************************************************** *********************